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Are You Living Your Life Like A Gameshow? Are you even a main character in your own life?

Its final Jeopardy and the topic is Life. Here is your answer: “You do this to be successful.” If you are participating, you aren’t just shouting the answer at your tv screen like the average person does. This episode is all about making sure you aren’t being a side seat driver in your own life. Drive yourself towards success.

We all have seen a gameshow where we knew the answer or watched a sports competition where we saw the right play to make before the people actually involved did. We do similar things in our own lives. A great example is on how we are quick to offer advice for situations we wish we were involved in. “While your visiting New Zealand, make sure to visit Hobbiton. I always wanted to visit there myself.” Rather than living through other people, we should be looking to live our lives to the fullest every day. Try to make those things you want to do a reality rather than continuing to sit on the sidelines.

Part and parcel to this is personal responsibility. We all think we should be somewhere better in life. It is our dream to be better than we are, but we look to external factors to blame for why we have not made it. “I am uneducated today because the government did a poor job funding my schools growing up.” Are you telling me, that you understand that you are uneducated today, you understand that you are not where you want to be, but you haven’t done anything to fix that problem? You recognized a problem, but so far all you have done is point the finger at someone else saying its their fault. Great, you recognize, you have a problem, and that the other party is not doing anything to fix it for you. That only leaves one person who can fix the issue. You. You are a sum of all your past decisions. Once you get to that point where you understand that no matter whose fault you think it is, the only person that can directly change and affect your life for the better is you. You have the power to change your life for the better every day with making simple good decisions with what you are given, what you have, and what you can do.

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Neil Degrasse Tyson believes that there are three different types of truths; Personal, Political, and Objective Truths. We all experience these 3 different truths every day in our lives. These truths have serious impacts in how we conduct ourselves in our relationships, or careers, and our personal lives.

The easiest to understand is the Objective truth. It is something that is true for everyone, everywhere, at all times. As an example; “We need oxygen to breathe.” A Personal Truth is best seen in a religious truth. “I believe that Jesus is my Lord and Savior.” You may personally believe that but Joe down the street does not. Finally, we have the Political Truth. Political Truths are what society has decided to be true. An example of this would be in how society changes its views on what is right, wrong, moral, and immoral.

The problem with 3 different truths is that everyone ends up mixing up personal and political truths with objective truths. We allow ourselves to believe that what we view as truth based on our personal experience or what society says is true must be an objective truth. This causes conflict between us. Religions have gone to war with each other in history over personal beliefs. Its not healthy. Personal truths are not unhealthy unless we allow them to blur the lines of objective truth.

To keep the lines clear, we need to be able to clearly understand where our views and understandings of the truths are coming from. A feeling of frustration in your life can be analyzed. Yes, it is a personal truth. The objective truth is in finding out why you are feeling frustrated. Get to the root cause of your feeling to truly understand your personal truths. Why are you feeling frustrated? Why is the thing you stated causing annoyance or frustration to you?

A personal truth can be a very self-limiting belief. As an example, a person saying they can’t get out of debt because the system is rigged against them. As a person who has been in debt, I understand the negative feelings, the struggles, and the hopelessness that creeps in. It feels like you can’t get out, or that it is too hard to do anything to fix it. However, if you dig deeper into why you feel that way the objective truth is often hard to swallow. We made choices in many cases that put us in debt. There are obvious exceptions to that, but most debt is 100% avoidable. So an objective truth is “in many cases we could make better choices to avoid debt.”

For healthier, more fulfilling lives, look at why you believe what you believe. Look for an understanding so you can better recognize what is a personal, political, and objective truth. Stay mindful of your personal truths and keep them from blurring the lines of objective truths so you do not end up putting up roadblocks that hinder your progress or opportunities.

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The movie 8 Mile resonates with many people. Many of us can relate to the feeling that we won’t achieve our goals and it is time to give up. Jimmy Smith (Eminem) said “You ever wonder at what point you gotta say F*** it. You gotta stop livin up here and start livin down here?” It’s the moment he starts giving up on his dreams and accepts that he will always be broke and nothing.

We, however, ascribe to a different perspective. If you flip the script, his words truly become motivational. “At what point do you gotta stop living down here and start living up here? Personal development has shown me that you get out what you put in. Your efforts and mindset will determine your outcome. It is way too easy to just give up. That is why so many people do it. They end up settling for what they have and think they can never get any better. They outlook turns negative or worse, complacent.

In the past we have discussed how stagnation is death. This is key in helping you focus on finding goals that force you to grow. Part of our message in in changing how you think. Stop using the same thinking that keeps you where you are. Try new things. If you fail, you have actually succeeded in finding one way not to do something. Look for a new way. The road to life is not easy and doesn’t always lead on a straight path. Events pop up that change your course. However, your goals should still be something you strive for. So, what. Your first plan fell through. Rather than giving up and “living down here,” look for a way to get back on track or a different route that will take you to the same destination.

Change is not easy. Sometimes roadblocks pop up and slow your progress or stop you in your tracks. One of the greatest proverbs my parents taught me as a kid was, Its not how  may times you fall, its how many times you get back on the bike to ride that matters. Giving up ensures you will never reach your goals. So rather than living down here, find a way to change your thought process and live up here instead.

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For many, creating your personal foundation for success as a leader or sales professional can be intimidating, and unfamiliar. In this episode, we welcome Zachary Ketner, Global Strategic Sales Director at Intermedia. He will walk us through the steps he took to build his own foundation as a sales professional, leader, and a positive role model for his family.

His LinkedIn article that he wrote on the topic of Creating Your Foudnation For Success can be found here: https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/creating-your-foundation-success-zachary-ketner/

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We have discussed in the past how words have power. How we use our words can determine the outcome of many situations. This is especially true in the influence we have on our own decisions and the feelings and opinions of others around us.

A perfect example of this is in how children are raised. Children who witness abusive parents are more likely to grow up to be abusive themselves. They are surrounded by abuse and the actions and mental feeling becomes a norm that is accepted. The abusive parent in most cases doesn’t care that their actions will influence their children in negative ways down the road. They usually can’t see past themselves anyway.

Another example is something simpler and less damaging. We all talk about movies that we love or hate. We come out of the theater after watching a movie and we want to go tell our friends. When we get with our friends, our first inclination is to say how we feel about the movie we saw. This can cause the other person to shift their views on the movie to align more with ours. This is especially true, if they are close friends. They often don’t want to feel that we are offended if they disagree with our opinion so they parse their words differently than they would normally if they were alone. We have just unconsciously influenced their choice and response.

What we need to do is recognize those times where we are being the influencer and being influenced. If we are able to recognize those times, we can take steps to counter the influence. It is easier when we are with trusted friends and family who will love us even if we disagree or have different views, but it isn’t always that easy. Being honest without influencing is impossible. In the case of the movie discussion, when you are asked your opinion of the movie, your opinion will be an influence on others around you. You won’t always be able to prevent your unconscious influence. In the case of the children of abusive parents where external factors are the real influencer, being surrounded by positive influences can be the best counter. In any situation, you want to surround yourself with positive growth-oriented people and activities. Removing the negative influences or lessening their effects while increasing the positive influences will improve your mood, and even your health.

The problem with unconscious influences is that they are unconscious. The first step is always to recognize them. Look for the “why” in everything you do. “Why am I doing x, or saying y?” What has influenced my decisions? Understanding why will help you recognize what influences your decisions and will help you make better decisions about your own life. It will also help you be a better influence on others around you.

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“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”- Jim Rohn

There are 2 types of pains that we all go through; the pain of discipline and the pain of regret. Most of us have had to go through some harsh discipline in our lives. Parents correcting their children, teachers challenging their students, having to say no to things we love, etc. The one pain that we always seem to forget is the pain of regret.

The pain of regret has been with us throughout our entire lives. While we were young we took actions that caused us to regret them…usually due to the discipline or consequences that came afterwards. As we get older our focus on regret shifts. No longer are we regretting what we have done. We begin to regret the things we haven’t done.

Every single person out there has something they really want to do, but it always gets pushed off to “later.” Maybe things in life come up that take our focus away from our goals or desires, or maybe it is fear that causes us to hesitate when those things come up.

My mom came up to me last year and asked me to go with her to visit her brother-my uncle. I had never met my uncle and am not really a people person. My mom went with my sister and met with her brother without me. Fast forward to this year during the first two weeks of the COVID-19 quarantine in Washington State. We got a call from my aunt letting us know that my mom’s brother had passed away. It was at that time that I started to really understand the power of the pain we go through when we miss opportunities. I regretted not taking that time to meat my uncle and making that connection. That connection could have made my relationship with my mother stronger and given a profound memory that I could have shared and held onto. Now it is too late. I missed that boat.

We all are presented with opportunities every day. Some small, others larger. The thing to do is to try to take as many opportunities that we can so that we live a life without regrets. If personal, financial, or work things get in the way of your plans or opportunities, take actions that will help you better prepare for those opportunities the next time they come up.

Get started with a savings plan so your financials are not the thing that hold you back. Make sure you complete your work projects in a timely manner so that you don’t have those last-minute fixes preventing you from taking time off when you need it. Make sure you communicate with those you have relationships with. Communication will help you plan around your everyday life. Don’t suffer the pain of regret because you failed to act. It is more painful than the inconvenience that we face when you do take the action.