191: Your Subconscious Influence on Others
SHOW DESCRIPTION
We have discussed in the past how words have power. How we use our words can determine the outcome of many situations. This is especially true in the influence we have on our own decisions and the feelings and opinions of others around us.
A perfect example of this is in how children are raised. Children who witness abusive parents are more likely to grow up to be abusive themselves. They are surrounded by abuse and the actions and mental feeling becomes a norm that is accepted. The abusive parent in most cases doesn’t care that their actions will influence their children in negative ways down the road. They usually can’t see past themselves anyway.
Another example is something simpler and less damaging. We all talk about movies that we love or hate. We come out of the theater after watching a movie and we want to go tell our friends. When we get with our friends, our first inclination is to say how we feel about the movie we saw. This can cause the other person to shift their views on the movie to align more with ours. This is especially true, if they are close friends. They often don’t want to feel that we are offended if they disagree with our opinion so they parse their words differently than they would normally if they were alone. We have just unconsciously influenced their choice and response.
What we need to do is recognize those times where we are being the influencer and being influenced. If we are able to recognize those times, we can take steps to counter the influence. It is easier when we are with trusted friends and family who will love us even if we disagree or have different views, but it isn’t always that easy. Being honest without influencing is impossible. In the case of the movie discussion, when you are asked your opinion of the movie, your opinion will be an influence on others around you. You won’t always be able to prevent your unconscious influence. In the case of the children of abusive parents where external factors are the real influencer, being surrounded by positive influences can be the best counter. In any situation, you want to surround yourself with positive growth-oriented people and activities. Removing the negative influences or lessening their effects while increasing the positive influences will improve your mood, and even your health.
The problem with unconscious influences is that they are unconscious. The first step is always to recognize them. Look for the “why” in everything you do. “Why am I doing x, or saying y?” What has influenced my decisions? Understanding why will help you recognize what influences your decisions and will help you make better decisions about your own life. It will also help you be a better influence on others around you.
