Our Podcast Episodes

Sit back, relax, and soak in the personal development.

151: There’s Freedom in Forgiveness

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It is the hardest thing in the world to forgive someone who has wronged us. We fill ourselves up with the negative feelings left over when someone fails us or hurts us through their words, actions, or inactions. Holding grudges can breed distrust, creates animosity, and prevents us from moving on. While we know it is important to forgive, how do we forgive someone and move forward?

Many religions and philosophical beliefs discuss the importance of forgiveness. Having been raised in a Christian home, we were taught about forgiveness as one of the foundational beliefs of our faith. The problem is, no one tells you how to forgive. What steps do you take to forgive? How will you know that you have succeeded in forgiving?

In this episode we explore the importance of forgiveness, some of the situations we have found ourselves in where forgiveness was needed, and how we moved on. When I was recently wronged, I found myself slipping into anger and animosity towards the person who had wronged me. I felt angry and let the feeling build to the point where my health was affected. My blood pressure was up, I had to struggle to keep my voice level and my words controlled around this person. It took me a few days to realize that this person wasn’t feeling any of the anger that I was holding. Hell. He wasn’t even aware that he had done anything wrong.

It was at this point that I realized that holding onto the anger didn’t really hurt him at this point. It wouldn’t make the situation better and wouldn’t change his attitude. It was a hard pill to swallow. I was keeping the negative feelings alive for me and hurting myself in the process. It was at this point that I realized that in order to forgive, I had to confront the issue I had with this person and let go of the anger that had built up. At this point, I decided to let go of my anger, give voice to my concerns and then walk away from the situation.

Letting go of the anger meant accepting that what had happened could not be undone. It meant that I had to understand where my feelings were coming from. Holding a grudge over something, no matter how big or small only hurts you in the long run. The person you have a beef with may never even know that you are angry with them. To truly let go, write your thoughts down and organize them. Express them and then walk away from the feelings. You have voiced them. You are free from them and it is up to the offending party for how they take your feelings and behave moving forward.

Once you have let go of your feelings, you must be careful not to let them back in. If another situation comes up, you don’t want the negativity affecting how you react with someone else. In terms of relationships, you don’t want to start seeing everyone else as possible offenders to the point where you can never fully trust someone. Don’t forget the past but put it into context. The wrong that was done was done then, by someone else, at a different time is not necessarily going to happen with the next person to come into your life. You are free to grow past grudges and bad times. Then you will truly be able to be free from the negativity of that one negative experience.

 

150: Why Do We Do The Things We Do

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We all have things that we should be doing. We also, know full well, that we need to be doing these things. It may be different for everyone, but everyone has that list of things that they know they “should do.” Whether it is, saving money, losing weight, learning a new skill, etc. we tend to build up an impressive list of “Shoulda, Coulda, Wouldas.”

Our minds are complex. It is a super computer that runs our body, but also programs our actions during different stimuli. Think about one of the earliest lessons we learn. Fire is hot. Most of us learned that lesson the hard way. We stuck our hand over the fire or onto a hot surface and learned that it hurts. This is a learned response from 1st hand experience. A learned response is based on past experiences that we know to be true for that specific situation. Fire is always hot, so we know that we will always burn ourselves if we touch the flames.

Another type of program our minds create for us is based on emotional responses based on our beliefs. We see that in an example of our relationships. If you have ever been hurt by someone in a relationship, you might also know how hard it is to trust someone else later down the road. That is a response on an experienced emotion. You believe that you might get hurt so you hold onto negative feelings moving forward.

It is important to define our patterns and understand why we are doing the things we do. It will help us break bad habits and change our mindset so we can grow. Start by looking at a specific situation. Ask yourself where you started to believe that about that situation. In the example of the relationship from above, you would say I started not trusting people because someone hurt me in this situation in the past.

Next, analyze if it is a learned response based on experience or if it is a learned emotional response based on a belief. If that one person hurt you, will it happen with the next person you trust? No one can say that trusting someone will always end in disappointment and pain, or in Happiness and mutual respect.

Once it has been analyzed, it is time to redefine how you look at it. Using the same example, you may have been hurt in the past, but a new relationship is a blank slate. The situation and the people are different. Do not forget what happened in the past, however, do not let the past rob you of a new possibility. Try to recognize that your beliefs are influencing your actions and take steps to counter them. If someone betrayed your trust, try to forgive and move on. It is more important for your mental health than you may realize.

Beliefs are powerful and affect our actions al the time. Religious people try to shape parts of their lives around what they learn in their religious community. Kids beliefs are shaped by the words and actions of their parents and role models. Often, it takes years before we realize whether the beliefs we have built up are for better or for worse. It is not an easy path and takes years of active reflection. However, it is necessary for our mental, spiritual, and emotional growth.

149: Has Your Life Been A Success Thus Far?

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How can you tell if your life is a success or not? Would a 10 year old ‘you’ look at you today and say you were successful? This exercise explores the definition of success, but the definition of success as we see it in ourselves. It forces us to define what success is to us, and then hold ourselves up to account for where we are.

Success as defined in the dictionary is just the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. So I ask myself, have I reached my aim or purpose? This can get broad and vague. How do we measure our lives as success? It is much easier to break things down into different pillars of life. Financial, Relational, Physical, and Spiritual.

How do we know if we have a successful life financially? This is much easier to answer. Is your bank account where you want it to be? Do you have a job/career that is providing you what you envisioned? If not, you do not have a successful life financially according to the very definition of success. Usually we have a very clear idea of what we want to earn and how we want to be set financially, but when we are forced to look at how we are performing, we end up seeing our own failures. Rohit said something that is very true. Our priorities are out of touch. If we have no choice we will find a way to make our financial needs happen.

If our finances are not successful, it is time to look into why. Look through your expenses. Write down every single expense you have for an entire month. Then separate them all into 2 categories; Needs and Wants. Put items that are necessary for your survival into the Needs Category, and everything else into the Wants Category. If you truly want to be a success, you will be able to see what you need to cut out to save more and build your finances up. You can also look at your career and see if you are on the right path or if changes are needed. Is your career helping you reach your goals? If not, how can you more align it with your goals?

Apply the same level of analysis to the other 3 pillars in your life and make the necessary adjustments. From there it will be easier to see where we are holding ourselves back from reaching our goals. We find that our excuses really don’t hold weight when we dig this deep. We are responsible for our outcome and no external force is responsible for our decisions.

It isn’t an easy thing to do when we look this deep at our level of success. However, if we truly want to reach our goals and be a success, we need to be able to look at our goals and our efforts to determine if we are where we want to be. Only then will we be able to make the necessary changes to get us to where we want to be.

148: How Going “Lights Out” Can Be Your Secret Weapon

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As a society, we have allowed ourselves to get to dependent on technology to fill our time. We see it everywhere. While eating at a restaurant, you just need to look around to see most of the people looking down at their phones rather than talking to the people right in front of them. You go to the theaters and you can see people checking in on social media or taking pictures. How can we get back to a place where we are able to enjoy each other’s company and go back to a place where technology doesn’t rule your free time?

What we did as a group was, we turned off our power for 24 hours. We turned off our phones and got rid of all external distractions that normally fill our time. From there, we were able to focus on clearing our heads. Meditation is so much easier if you can clear away the external distractions. It is just you in the silence with your thoughts. Let you mind wander and fill with happy, motivational, or challenging thoughts.

If you enjoy reading, try reading by candle light. It gives you a stronger connection with what you are reading. Personally, I find myself getting drawn into the story much easier and my mind clears of negative thoughts. I get drawn into the story as if I am a participant/observer. It is refreshing, exhausting, emotional, and that much more exciting.

Technology has become our crutch. Granted, some technology is designed to make us more productive or make our general existence more comfortable. However, when we rely to heavily on technology, we will never truly be able to live without it. When we use multiple monitors for work, are we truly being more efficient? Take a look at your performance. Are you really saving time, or are you just filling space? We found that sometimes we have too much stimuli that takes away from our productivity and it takes a power outage or an activity like this to help us see that we have just been filling time. Try this exercise. Take a 24 hour period where you turn off all distractions. Do it as a family, or by yourself if needed. Talk with each other. You will deepen your relationships and come to a better understanding of each other. If you are alone, try journaling about your 3 powerful questions that we suggested during Episode 146. You will find deeper meaning in your own thoughts and possibly find a positive way forward.

 

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

147: Combating De-motivation

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Demotivation happens to the best of us. We feel it in every aspect of our lives. Whether it is our careers, our chores, our projects, or our relationships, demotivation is a common issue. Learning how to combat demotivation will help you get your shit together.

I personally get more demotivated at work when tasks seem to get monotonous. Repeating actions over and over can get tedious for a creative mind. I am always looking for new things to learn and do. However, many jobs/careers have a set task list tat you must complete to earn your pay so a creative mind often gets bogged down and starts dwelling on negativity. It slows the thinking process and makes it harder to stay positive or productive.

In order to combat this, I find ways to clear the negativity out of my mind. Listen to some music, take a break, work on another project, or inject some sort of personal challenge with the task. You need to find a way to break up the routine in order to avoid demotivation.

Kyle looks at it from another perspective. He tries to think of how gifted he is or how he has been given certain abilities and feels obligated to do his very best. Sometimes we forget that we have it so much better than others and we take for granted the abilities and skills we have. Jump start your motivated side by remembering where you are and where you started. You have come a long way from where you began. Sometimes that is enough to motivate you to continue improve even further.

Demotivation can quickly turn into procrastination. Procrastination can cause you to miss your personal, career, and relationship goals. That is why it is important to find a way to stay motivated. Progress slows down and eventually stops when you let demotivation affect your actions.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

146: 3 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself

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It’s hard to dig deep and analyze your life in a way that is both constructive and honest. We often make excuses and lay blame on external factors. How do we separate the external from the internal? The easiest way is to ask yourself 3 questions. Do you just ride the train of life and let others determine where you are going, or are you a driver that decides where you are going?

  1. Where am I?: Take a moment to look at your life and analyze your current circumstances. You are a collection of your past decisions and have no one to blame for who you are other than yourself. You ultimately decide who you are going to be. Victim. Victor. It is entirely up to you. This is something that hits personally with me, especially today when people are quick to play the victim and make excuses as to why they are where they are. This question forces you to look deeper, throw out the Bull Shit, and look at who you decided to be at that moment.
  2. Where do I want to be? I took this time to look at the path I laid out before myself and analyzed where I would like to be in my emotions, relationships, my career, and my health. This question is so much more than that though. You have a blank canvas in front of you. Paint the perfect picture of your life. Where do you want to be? What kind of person do you envision yourself in the future? What are you doing? Where are you living? Get deep and really look at where you want to be. Get creative but make sure it is you. This will help you set a goal for question 3.
  3. How am I getting there? This question helped me analyze how I am going to get to my goals. It makes it possible to create a plan and take steps that move you closer. For example, one of my goals is to become a successful streamer. Writing that as a goal, I can look at the steps t will take to get there. Improving audio and video quality, setting up the best equipment, and marketing my stream are now part of my plan to get to where I want to be. Also, I am working on losing weight. I set a realistic goal of living healthier first and the weight will follow.

These 3 questions are not meant to depress you or make you feel bad about where you are. Rather they are designed to make you be honest with yourself, understand where you are, want to be, and give you a method of planning your course of action moving forward. This exercise is meant to help get you out of any rut you are in, get you off that train where you are not in control, and give you personal responsibility and define your direction better.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

145: Knowing When To Walk Away

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When emotions are high, it is difficult to find a good time to walk away from a situation. It becomes difficult to distinguish between our emotional state and what is the best response to a situation. Maybe you’re in a situation that gets your anger up, or a situation where your desire makes it harder to respond I a healthy manner. Knowing when to walk away is one of the best skills that we can practice.

If you are in a heated argument, things can quickly get out of control if you allow your emotions to push you into a response. We all have situations where we get a little heated and angry. Sometimes we let our emotions take control and we start to lose control of our responses. This is dangerous and can hurt ourselves, and others around us. Our response should in these situations should never be made with emotion.

Conversely, there are times When we let our excitement drive our decisions we make. We have those moments where we want something so bad and our excitement for the thing is so high, that we forgo our rational thought and make an emotional decision that may hurt us down the road. Using buying a car as an example. If you go into a dealership and find the car of your dreams, but you want to try to get the price down, your emotions need to be in check. When a salesperson sees that you are emotionally vested in a specific car, they will take advantage of your emotions and you may end up with a deal you don’t like.

What I like to do when I feel emotions building is to take a step back and analyze my feelings. If it is a tense angry situation, I will walk away and take a cool down break. This is a good practice to get into. Especially in relationships where arguments will happen. If you feel yourself getting emotional, take a break and walk away before your emotional response causes more harm than good. Tell the other person that you need to walk away for a few minutes to clear the emotions and go to a quiet place for yourself. Then take stock of your feelings and what caused them. Once you understand your feelings, try to put yourself into the shoes of the other person and see the situation from their eyes. This will make it easier to keep your emotions from taking control when you go back to finish the discussion.

Another great way to know when to walk away is to have guidelines set before you make any big decisions. In the example of buying a car, know exactly what you can afford, what features you need, what you can live without, and what you want. Know which vehicles you want beforehand and go in with your guidelines in place. Set the tone during the discussion with the salesperson and don’t let them deviate from your guidelines. They want your business, it is up to you to hold your emotions at bay in order to know when to walk away.

144: False Finish Lines

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Why do New Year’s Resolutions have such a high failure rate? Everyone sets goals and resolutions at the beginning of the year to lose weight, save money, go on more trips, or any number of promises. We act as if the start of a new year is the start f a new you. It’s like a new blank slate where we are starting fresh and forgetting the failures of the past. Because we fail so often at these resolutions or goals, we often treat them like they aren’t really that important; creating a false finish line.

One of the leading causes of us creating false finish lines is that we constantly set goals based on a yearly calendar and don’t hold ourselves accountable. Instead of just setting a date to lose weight by “x” date, try setting goals that improve your health week to week, month to month. Have a goal to lose weight but set goals and actions that you follow through with that will help you in your effort. I used to say I want to lose 50 pounds by the end of the year. Now I say I want to lose weight by the end of the year, but I am starting this week by cutting out Fast food breakfast and having a salad, an apple, and water. The next week, I continue the salads, but add on 30 minutes of walking during lunch. The next week I continue that but add some simple stretches when I wake up. A goal with no follow through is a lie you tell yourself to make yourself feel good. A goal with follow through is a success story waiting to happen.

Another problem with setting goals is that we tend to have a start/stop mentality. We start a race and once we reach the finish line we call the race over and make no more forward progress. Just like in the above examples, we should be continually challenging ourselves to become better. Don’t set a finish line to better yourself, and then go back to the old habits after you reach your goal. Continue to push yourself, to challenge yourself so you can reach greater heights.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

143: The Power of a Daily Gratitude Journal

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We all say thank you. It is a pair of words that many of us take for granted. Sure we mean them from the bottom of our hearts one minute, but the next we are just using them out of courtesy. How do we allow ourselves to slip into that mindset where being thankful isn’t easy?

Rohit asked us to keep a weekly gratitude journal where we closed our eyes and said thank you over and over until we felt the words. Then we wrote down the things we were grateful for on a specific topic for that day. At first, it was difficult. Things didn’t pop up that easily into my mind that I am grateful for. It started with surface level stuff like my possessions, or my family. However, As I started looking deeper inside at why I was grateful, I found that my gratitude was pretty shallow. It all centered around what others do for me or what I get from others.

When it got to the journal day for family, I realized that I hadn’t been as thankful as I should be. It allowed me to put into perspective how good I really have things today. We are all grateful to have friends or family. We are all grateful to be healthy or have clean clothes, or a car that runs. However, It is the deep down gratefulness that brings out a positive mindset that we often are lacking. We focus on the negatives in our lives far more than we do the positive.

Take steps to actively change our mindset, we find it is easier to stay positive. It will be far easier to express how grateful you are to that special someone, or how much you appreciate your co-worker’s efforts. This exercise can help you change your mindset and help you gain a new perspective on everything. We challenge you to try it.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

142: How To Enjoy Going To The Movies

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For over a century people have enjoyed going to the movies. There is something about going to the local theater to watch a big film, grabbing some popcorn and a coke while getting drawn into a story. We each experience movies differently. Whether for the sights, the sounds, the smells, the gathering of friends, the story, or any combination thereof, we have all found different things to enjoy at the movies.

Watching a film in the theater has a greater impact on your experience than watching the film at home. There are so many distractions that can take you out of the story or out of the element. Your phone might ring. Your dog might need to go outside, or you might start flipping through social media and take yourself out of the experience. At the theater, you have already made an investment into your time there by purchasing a ticket-usually at a high price-and setting aside time out of your day where you are planning to be entertained. Your mind is already set in a “me time” mode where distractions take a backseat.

Make sure that when you go to a movie, you are setting yourself up to have a better experience. Turn off the phone. Don’t just silence the phone. Many phones will still vibrate, and the distraction can take you out of a moment. Go in knowing that ticket and snack prices are high. If you are already expecting the prices to be high, you get two benefits; you are less likely to get caught off guard and have a more positive experience overall. Get into the theater early. Not only will you have a better experience if you aren’t missing any of the film, but you are also not being a distraction to others who are also attending the movie. If you keep these things in mind, you will find a more enriching experience at the theaters regardless of how good or bad the movie is.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

141: Mastering Your Emotions

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Our emotions are powerful tools and heavy burdens. They can help us process what we experience and convey our feelings to others. However, they can also hinder our progress and destroy lives. How do we recognize the difference and how do we manage them so they don’t cause harm? We don’t want to be controlled by our emotions, but there are times where we lose control of our emotions and they control our responses.

There are times that our emotions are a good thing. Happiness can brighten our day, and lead us in a positive direction. Managing happiness usually isn’t a big problem. However, happiness can also be used against you. When buying a car, if the dealership sees you are happy and desire a specific car, they will use that to control the conversation and possibly move you in a direction that you didn’t want to go. If you go in with a game plan and manage your emotional presence, you will be able to recognize those moments where you are moving away from your gameplan and giving control over to others.

Anger is a strong emotion that is often associated with negativity. Being angry is not a bad thing. However, when you bottle up the emotion, it grows like a cancer and poisons everything you do. You might lash out and hurt others, or your stress levels might rise and you end up hurting yourself. An expectation is created and you end up reacting to those situations with anger more easily each time. Take a moment to recognize what makes you angry and find a healthy way to release that emotion. I use a form of momentary journaling to write down what I am feeling and why. This offers me perspective and helps focus my thoughts on logic. It also gives me an outlet for those emotions. I take those angers and burn them as a form of release.

Perspective is the most important part of managing your emotions. If you have a clear perspective of the causation of your emotional state, you can take steps to prevent those emotions from filling you up or bogging you down. Learn what sets you off, and take a moment to look at it logically. Analyze and deconstruct how you are feeling and how you go there. From there you can make forward progress towards a healthy release and prevent a breakdown from occurring.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

140: Making Positive Holiday Memories

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The holidays are a time of rejoicing for many, and a time of frustration for others. How you view the holidays will tell you a lot about your mindset. I find that there are two camps of people in the holidays; the Carolers, and the Humbuggers. Each has their own view of the holiday season and each reacts differently to them.

Carolers are excited and happy for the holidays. They listen to Christmas music, they feel happy when they see decorations, and love going through the retail stores and looking at their holiday displays. The positive feelings and happy memories are always on their mind.

Humbuggers can’t stand the holidays. They look at the negatives and get frustrated by them. Their experience is hindered because they will focus on the commercialism, the traffic, the inconveniences and the busy schedules.

Not everyone has happy memories of the holidays. They might have been abused as children. They might have had a financially challenging childhood where there weren’t a lot of gifts and their families might have been constantly fighting. People in these situations tend to grow up hating the holidays because they see other people happy and feel that they have missed out.

A time of year, or a specific holiday are not to blame for the experiences a person has had. However horrible the holiday season might have been in the past for you, you can still find enjoyment in them now. If you don’t have happy memories of the holidays, make some. Start fresh by making some new memories and traditions with friends. Find a way to keep your mind on the positive message of any holiday and you won’t even notice the negative side anymore. You will see your mood brighten and your outlook lift. Set a new tradition for your personal life as well. It can help you find a way to view things in a more positive light. I reread a book that I grew up reading and remember the time I met the author and fell in love with his stories. It helps me keep things in perspective and clears my mind of negative feelings during a stressful time of year.

Get together with some friends and set some group traditions. Rohit Rohila and I go out on a shopping trip every year. It is always a different place and we always experience new things. Sometimes we bring others with us and sometimes it is just us guys. We might not even buy anything, but we always go out and just hang out.

The holidays are not just a time of rejoicing and good food. They are also a time for reflection. Take this time to reflect on your year. Write down some of the things that have made you happy this year. Review that list of happiness and keep it I your heart. Happiness in the holidays can spread if you keep it alive.

Podcasts we mentioned in this podcast:

139: Entrepreneurial Mindset

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What separates an Entrepreneur from the average person? It’s all about the mindset. This episode all started when we had a discussion over lunch about our paychecks. We were talking about how our holiday pay schedule was different due to the normal day we would get paid falling on either a holiday or a weekend. Rohit mentioned that he couldn’t even remember the last time he worried about a steady paycheck and it all snowballed from there.

Rohit worked most of his life for someone else and just last year started working for himself when the company he was working for cut his department. He could have panicked and threw himself into the same cycle we all know of looking for another 9-5 making money for someone else while earning a steady paycheck. Instead, he started thinking outside his comfort zone and moving into his strengths.

It became less about “how do I trade my time for money” into “how do I create the income stream I need to be successful.” He turned his situation into a competition with himself. “How do I create more success with what I have?” It is all about perspective with him.

If you ask yourself “how do I make more money” you are looking at things from a perspective of “lack.” It has negative connotations that directly impact your abilities to succeed. You are always looking at things from the perspective of “I need to do more to keep what I have.” You never have enough. When you look at things from a success standpoint, you are constantly asking yourself, “What can I do to improve on my results.” Both, you might argue, have the same messaging. “I need to improve to keep what I have.” However, the difference is in the beginning. One looks at it as I need to keep what I have by offering more. The other looks at is as “I have what I have, now how do I improve or grow it or create more.” That is the entrepreneurial mindset.

Your time is precious. Our jobs take up a large portion of our day. We are selling our time and effort to a company to provide a specific service. They can replace us with another person no matter how much we think we know or do for them. We are a resource. However, the rest of our time could be spent in improving our lives and growing what we have. Be it in relationships, knowledge, or whatever else you value, you need to be the master of your life. Remember that the more time you spend at work, the less time you have to do the things you want or need to do for yourself.

Videos we mentioned in this podcast:

138: The Science Behind Spoilers

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Spoiler Alert! Everybody hates spoilers. Social media is fraught with people spoiling TV shows, upcoming movies, books, games, events, and activities. We believe it could be a couple of different reasons. If everyone hates them so much, why do people still do it?

The first that comes to mind is malicious intent. The true meaning of “spoiling” an experience is to ruin the experience for others intentionally. We all know that one guy that always tell s the ending of a story before we hear it. No one wants to hang out with that one guy because he ruins every movie/TV show and gets off on the feeling of power he/she gets over sharing knowledge that he/she believes no one else knows.

The second reason is more common. A person unintentionally spoils the experience by hinting at things or “foreshadowing.” These people truly love the story or activity they are involved in, but have a hard time avoiding information that affects your experience with the activity. They mean well, but have this annoying habit to set expectations of something yet to happen.

Why do these people do these things? Having been guilty of both a time or two, I think the first is just looking for the attention that they get from having the knowledge. The second truly enjoys the activity or story, but can’t separate their feelings from those of other people. They are the ones that say “don’t get attached to these characters,” or “just wait until the next episode. I read the book and the next episode should break your heart.”

Whatever the reason, spoiling something for someone has a real impact on their expectations of that activity or event. It limits their ability to fully experience or enjoy something new. If we are more cognizant of how we are sharing with each other, we might be able to recognize when we are guilty of these things and begin to correct it. It is difficult not to project our experiences on others. Therefore, we should try to be aware of how we might be trying to create an experience for someone else based on our feelings, and not theirs.

Podcast episodes we mentioned in this podcast:

137: How Texting Is Killing Your Friendships

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The idea of this episode was based on a conversation that Rohit had with his long-time friend, Tananda Richarson.

The way we communicate says a lot about who we are and what we think of those we are communicating with. Our emails, text messages, and phone calls are used to communicate for work, information gathering, and sharing with our friends and family. The invention of the smartphone made communications quick and simple in a device that we can hold in the palm of our hands and carry everywhere we go.

Slowly our communications have evolved to be more text-based and less direct voice communications. We say it is all for convenience but is it really? When you reach out to your family in a text, are you trying to avoid a conversation? Texts are great for quick updates, but are we texting out full conversations? Why? It is convenient for us because we can communicate on our terms. We can respond when we feel like it or we can ignore messages if we choose. What we end up doing is avoiding commitment to a real conversation.

Ever have a friend text you, and then not answer the phone when you call them right back a minute later? It annoys us because we know they wanted to talk to us, but it feels now that we aren’t important enough to talk to directly. That may not always be true, but that is the reason many of us have fallen into the trap of communicating solely by text. If we really are trying to maintain or build a strong relationship, our communication needs to also be strong. Text is great for quick updates but fails to express emotion or convey meaning. Often our texts can get misconstrued causing confusion or hurt feelings because they feel impersonal. Our voices can express more than words on a screen ever could.

Personally, I prefer to communicate through phone calls with my friends. It builds a deeper connection with that person and provides a better understanding between us. Another benefit is it doesn’t keep me on hold all day for a reply. I could be holding up my schedule for a reply from someone replying via text. A phone call can get an entire conversation out in minutes where a text conversation could take all day to complete based on the feelings of the person on each side of the conversation.

Take the time to reach out and talk to someone. Don’t take the cheap way out of a conversation commitment by texting. If you truly care about someone, call them and speak with them. You will find a better appreciation of your friendships and relationships in doing so.

Text is great for many reasons, but my favorite reason is that I can confirm events dates and times. I also like to send my friends GIFS and pictures throughout the day without having to engage in a whole conversation. I can let Josh know I’m thinking about him, or cheer my mom up with a 15-second text. 

I dislike the way you can easily interpret the conversation with different tones which can cause issues, and I also believe if it’s someone you don’t see often it is impersonal to only keep in touch via text. 

I love talking on the phone. I enjoy their company in a full conversation. I enjoy the sound of my grandma fussing in the kitchen and the sound of her voice.

I hate being on the phone. My one year old tries to hang it up, my three year old wants to take it and say hi to whoever I’m speaking to, and both of them immediately need my attention when I get a phone call. If I need to have a phone conversation I do it over Bluetooth in my car. Both kids are strapped down in their car seats, I don’t have to hold my phone, and it fits into my schedule so I can give more undivided attention. Is it distracted driving? No more so than having the two crazy kids in my car 🤣

Katey Matthews

Definitely depends on what you’re trying to accomplish. Each medium has its advantages and disadvantages for your goals of communicating.

Andy Weber

I prefer text. I think this stems from being an introvert. It allows me to have time to process and form an answer without being put on the spot. That being said phone calls are important for things that tone may get miscommunicated over text, or there is just way too much to cover over text.

Jessica Normann

I prefer text for 80% of my communications. 

Most of the time, the people most frequently contact it’s a single question or setting up a quick plan. It doesn’t require an immediate answer and I don’t feel like the formalities of a phone call. 

If it is an emergency or the plan or question has become more complicated I will just call because it is easier/faster to just talk it through.

Anna Birdseye

Podcast episodes we mentioned in this podcast:

136: Start… Stop… Continue…

SHOW DESCRIPTION

As the year comes to a close, we need to look back on our goals and our promises. Were there actions I could have taken to reach my goals? Are there things I can continue doing that are moving me towards my end goal? What am I doing that I need to stop in order to reach my goals? These are the questions that we can ask ourselves to put our lives on the right track.

We all set goals at the beginning of the year to do “X.” However, most resolutions, goals, or promises are broken before the end of January. Many of us don’t even remember our goals at the end of the year. Whether the goal was to lose weight, save money, get a new job, visit family more, or anything else, we tend to procrastinate to the point where we see the holidays and say to ourselves, “Well, I just don’t have time to do this now,” and we push our goals or promises aside.

Some things we can do to help us hold the focus are to write down our goals and promises on a calendar and post it somewhere we are going to see them daily. Then we need to have a way to hold ourselves accountable. Take a moment to look at your goals and review your progress. Write down the questions above and answer them as they relate to your goals. As you analyze your actions you will be able to make little course corrections throughout the year and you will begin to see steady progress in your goals. We can celebrate the successes, make changes where efforts might not be providing the successes we want to see, and see where we might need to start new activities to improve our success rates. Doing this will help you get your sh*t together and be the best “you” possible.

Podcast episodes we mentioned in this podcast:

135: I Don’t Believe In Your Comfort Zones!

SHOW DESCRIPTION

Our comfort zones are places we retreat to-often never venturing out of-when we feel vulnerable, challenged, or just plain uncomfortable. We tend to stay in a zone where we are confident in the outcome and our own strengths. They are places where doubt rarely slips in. It limits our progression and prevents growth.

We will do anything to avoid activities that are outside our comfort zones. One example we discussed was public speaking. Some people are deathly afraid of public speaking. Fear keeps them from even attempting it. In school, I loved being loud and obnoxious in class…until the teacher called me to the front of the class and made me repeat what I had said publicly to everyone. Everyone had already heard me say it once already, but the moment I was made to stand in front of the class, everything changed. I grew timid, and uncomfortable. I was afraid of speaking in font of everyone when all the attention was on me. It was a simple thing that I had already done to get attention, but the moment I had full attention and the fear of judgement became real to me, I froze.

We all have something that is outside our comfort zone. We should constantly act to expand our comfort zones. It helps us grow and develop skills that we otherwise wouldn’t have thought possible. I never would have thought public speaking was something I could do. Now I have been a teacher at University level and teach people every day how to sell in business. Being in front of small to large groups is common for me now and I look back on my comfort zone then and see that I have made huge strides. Growth is not always noticeable at first. It may be gradual and even seem like not very much progress has been made, but if we look back over the years, we will see just how far we have come.

Don’t let fear keep you from becoming the best “You” possible. Try new things, meet new people, and grow your skill set. Continue to expand your comfort zones.

Podcast episodes we mentioned in this podcast:

134: Finish Your Year Strong

SHOW DESCRIPTION

Every year, we make commitments and resolutions for New Years. It seems though, when the holiday season comes around, we tend to push our goals aside. We allow ourselves, throughout the year to get behind and relax on goals we have set for ourselves. Whether our goal was to lose weight, go on vacation, save money, or anything else we set for ourselves to complete, we seem to procrastinate throughout the year and find ourselves with only 2-3 months left at the end of the year. Then we tell ourselves that we can’t possibly get these things done during the busy holidays and we let them slip even further out or let them go completely.

We want to get our shit together, but we break our own promises to ourselves. Why aren’t we being more responsible to ourselves?  We deserve the best in life, but that also means we deserve the best of our own efforts towards our goals. If your goal is to lose weight, it only gets harder to lose it with all the great food during the holidays. If your goal is to save money, it gets harder with the giving we want to do during the holidays.

If you know that your time is limited, and you want to take full advantages of the holidays, knuckle down. You make time for what is important to you. Make your goals and promises a priority because that is a testament of your character. Get a calendar and keep track of everything. A calendar can help you put a timeline to your goal and help you hold yourself accountable.

Take a moment to look at your goals. Have you accomplished them this year? If not, was it due to procrastination?  Look deep within yourself and hold yourself accountable. You still have time this year to make progress on your goals. Identify the obstacles in your path and make sure you focus on the result you want. Don’t let procrastination keep you from finishing your year out strong.

Podcast episodes we mentioned in this podcast: