Some people feel that it’s the most wonderful time of the year, while others think of it only as a commercial holiday and lose the feeling in their hearts. In this episode we talk about how to make the most of this magical time of the year.
We are all told that we need to find our passion in life, but what if you don’t know where to start? Or even how to know if you are passionate about something? In this episode we help you connect with a passion that you may not have known that you even had.
In this day in age, saying anything without offending people can become very difficult. As a society, do we need to have thicker skin and not be as sensitive? Or do we need to be more tolerant and accept that we may need to sensor ourselves?
We all develop our belief systems based on our past experiences. Sometimes our experiences lead us to healthy beliefs that nurture our growth and sometimes they lead us down negative paths that prevent growth. How we deal with our belief systems will determine how we interact with others. Will it develop a healthy relationship, or will it breakdown a healthy relationship?
One of the best examples we can give about learning from a past experience and developing a belief system is the “fire is hot” learning method. A child is told not to play with matches because it will burn them. The child doesn’t believe and starts lighting matches. Eventually the child lets the match burn in their fingers for too long and its fingers get burned. That child then starts to develop a belief based on the experience of having been burned. Next time there are matches nearby, they will be less likely to play with them because they are afraid of getting burned. While painful, this is a healthy belief system.
Another example is a man who has a relationship and the girlfriend cheats on him. He had a very painful experience and develops a lack of trust in his future relationships. This lack of trust, though based on a painful experience, isn’t a healthy belief system. While all fire is hot, not all people will cheat. The lack of trust in a relationship will eventually drive a wedge between the two people causing them to have difficulties in communication and could even lead to the end of the relationship. Both this, and the example of the child above are examples of belief systems developed based on a fear of being hurt.
There is also a belief system based on the fear of looking foolish. We see examples of this everywhere we go. There is no greater example than the current political climate. People will develop beliefs based on their own personal values and end up moving into an echo chamber because they are afraid to challenge their beliefs. Rather than talk to someone with a differing view than their own, they will start to only interact with people and things that support their own belief systems. The resulting echo chamber leaves you stagnant and growth is prevented. It is healthy to challenge your belief systems because it breeds critical thinking and helps you find solutions to complex problems. If all you do is propose ideas to a bunch of “Yes Men,” you will get a ton of support from people just like you but will reduce the probability of success in your life. You also end up shunning the people who disagree with you, but otherwise would be great friends to have.
Belief systems can be healthy but if you allow them to take root in the wrong areas of your life for the wrong reasons, your growth will be limited, and your relationships can suffer. Take the time to journal. Journaling forces you to think about what you are writing. You are forced to slow your thoughts down long enough to write them out on paper. It also helps you organize your feelings and dig down to the root of why you believe what you believe. I have spoken in the past of my anger journal that I used to get over my anger issues. I would write out my feelings and then ask myself why I feel that way. I ask myself that same question for the same situation 3 times so that I am sure to get beyond the surface level answers. i.e. I feel angry about “X.” Why do I feel angry about “X?” Because “X” hurt me. Why did “X” hurt me enough to get angry? Because I believe this to be true. Why do I believe that to be true? Because I experienced this with “Y” in the past.
Journaling can help you see where your logic is faulty, and your feelings may be skewed. It can help you clear up the mess in your emotional thoughts and removes the excuses you build for yourself. Probably the most effective way to learning how your belief systems were developed will be in journaling. It will also help you see how much you have grown when you go back through your old journals to see where you were in comparison to where you are. Don’t let your beliefs prevent you from having healthy relationships by alienating others. Analyze your beliefs, know why you believe the way you do, and keep an open mind to listen to differing beliefs. You will have stronger relationships for it.
We all develop our own belief systems over the years. Whether religious, political, or any other belief system, there are beliefs that we develop that we end up defending vigorously. Our defense can be so strong that it ruins relationships. Fights can break out at the drop of a hat over deep held beliefs.
In politics, we see people blindly follow along party lines. They only listen to politicians that align to their strict party label. Anyone who runs as the opposite party are the enemy. Republicans support republicans. Democrats support democrats. Everyone will say they don’t choose based on party and will complain about those who do vote for their party blindly. In the end we have this divide where everyone points the finger at the other saying “you’re doing it wrong,” all while refusing to see the hypocrisy in their own statements.
The problem with sticking to your guns like this is that you end up in an echo chamber. When all you hear is agreement, you never get anything done. You can’t experience anything new or grow beyond a certain point if all you do is stay in a place with only people and practices that support your already developed beliefs. Step outside the comfort zone and listen to people with differing opinions. Challenge breeds growth. It causes us to experience other viewpoints that make us think.
Rohit says there are 5 things you need to do challenge your beliefs. First, get an external view of yourself. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see how they must be seeing you. Second, look at your circle of influence. Make sure you have surrounded yourself with people who will challenge you in supportive ways. Third, get a mentor. Mentors are a great way to model yourself after successful people. Find someone who has achieved something you want in life and learn from them. Fourth, grade yourself on your health and your wealth. This will take the emotion out and help you see more clearly where you need the help. Finally, process your thoughts in the form of journaling. Journaling forces you to slow your thinking down so that you have time to process your thoughts.
Beliefs can be powerful and help us achieve great things. However, they can also cause us to pull back and prevent growth. Make sure you are taking the time to challenge your beliefs. Try out the 5 steps Rohit mentioned and let us know what your think.