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There are many kinds of fear in life. Fear of failure, fear of things, fear of death, etc. However, there is a fear that many of us don’t even realize we may be experiencing. We experience it and sometimes allow it to hold us back. When we look at our lives and say to ourselves, “I should be further along than I am right now,” it builds up an anxiety that sometimes shuts down our drive.

We all have expectations for our lives. Maybe it is our income level, our health, our relationships, or any other number of meaningful parts of who we are. Sometimes we look at our lives and say, “I should have more money.” To many people in financial hardship, looking at where they are and comparing it to where they want to be can be very damaging. Why? We are afraid to see that we made poor choices. Some people will see the gap between their expectation and where they are and only see the gap. They start to say “can’t” or “it’s too hard.” Very quickly they start to hold off on making corrective actions that will get them to their goal.

Part of what we should do is realize that expectations are set by our own comparisons. We are comparing our current situation to what we envision for ourselves. Our expectations are only as accurate as the effort we put into them. Our vision of ourselves is only as clear as our understanding of ourselves. If we go into this with a clear understanding of how our expectations are set, we will be able to make better choices that will help us meet our expectations.

Understand, everyone will feel that they should be further along in life at some point. How we react to that feeling determines our character. Do we give up and let our defeatism creep in? Or do we approach it from a clear understanding of how we need to change to get to where we view ourselves in success? In my case, I wasn’t happy with my finances. I should have been further along in my financial goals. My current job wasn’t cutting it, and my expenses can only be cut so much. I could have given up and just accepted that I would work for someone else my entire life and die on the job, but I didn’t. I started looking for more ways to bring in more income so that I could be proud of myself and my progress. I saw that I was looking at things from a stance of lack rather than a stance of development. I only saw what I didn’t have versus what I could be obtaining. What I changed was how I viewed things. How do I get more, versus how do I spend less. My view changed from a limited perspective of how to cut the output I had and shifted to a perspective of how I could bring more in to make my life better.

It is important to analyze your life and see if you are where you want to be. If you aren’t, don’t let defeat settle in. Stand tall, recognize you got yourself to where you are and only you changing yourself is going to get you to where you envision yourself. It is a tough way to look at life, particularly your own. However, it is those hard glances we take into where we are and where we want to be that will help us make better choices or remove obstacles that prevent us from reaching the finish line and feel happy about the road we just travelled.  

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There is a vast difference between people who are interested and those that are committed. Interested people will always say “That sounds cool. I wish that I could do that.” Committed People will say, “That sounds cool,” and then find a way to make it happen.

For us, Podcasting always sounded cool. At some point, everyone involved has said that podcasting “sounds cool” or “sounds fun.” At some point, our interest shifted to commitment the moment we stopped talking about it and started doing it. Podcasting is not a free endeavor. We haven’t monetized anything in our podcast to date. Each of us invests our time and money to this commitment. We each find value in our product. Value that outweighs the cost of spent time and money.

We all show interests in something, but only those who move beyond the interest and start applying action are showing they are committed. This is true in relationships as well. There are people who say they are interested in their relationships and those that actively work on them. Rohit and Kyle always challenge me on my relationship status. Single and not ready to mingle is what they call it. These notes will probably be news to them, but I have been in 3 relationships since I joined the podcast. One where I was just interested in the relationship, but never worked on it. Another where I was working on it, but the other was not. And another where it was more out of convenience and no actual interest for both of us.

In your relationships, do you actively make time to develop it with your significant other? Do you take time to understand who they are and where they are coming from? Liking someone is way different than being committed to someone. If you are not actively working to make the relationship stronger every day, you are not showing an actual commitment to its success. You will find more trouble in your relationships than if you would dedicate yourself to the relationship.  

I recently committed to a goal of being debt free in 5 years. That means, house paid off, car paid off, no credit cards, and no loans. I was always dreaming of not having to pay bills. My pipedream was to not have to worry about mortgage, or car notes and just collect my money and save it. For years I worked paycheck to paycheck saying “I wish” a lot. After taking some hard looks at my life and the odds that I would win the lottery or marry a sugar momma, I decided to commit to a plan. I picked a path and started working multiple jobs putting everything extra I earn into my debt. It means I will not have much fun or get to hang out as much with friends. Winston Churchill said it best, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” The end goal is far more valuable than the challenges I am facing now.

Interests are fine. However, if all you are is interested, you will never get anywhere. Understand that commitment is hard. It pushes us and challenges us. Sometimes it feels like our commitment will break us. But, If you keep going, even if you feel broken, you will come out in the end stronger and more successful for it. Interests are a good feeling about something you wish for. Commitment is taking the action to make that wish a reality.

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Albert Einstein said, “The thinking that has brought me this far has created some problems that this thinking cannot solve.” Your thoughts determine your actions. If you keep thinking about the same things and asking yourself the same questions, you will only get to the same conclusion.

If you aren’t progressing, you are settling and will eventually regress into the old ways that got you where you are at that moment. If your problem is finances, stop thinking of doing something based on what you have done in the past. If you find yourself short on money and living paycheck to paycheck, stop asking yourself where I can cut back on spending. Stop asking yourself the same questions.

Start asking yourself new questions. Begin by asking yourself “If I am currently making “x” amount with my current career, how do I bring in “X” more dollars.” Rather than beginning your analysis from the view of lacking, you start by looking for ways to grow what you have. Your mindset is what needs to change. One view keeps you looking at what you don’t have and how to get by with what you do have. The other says, I am getting by with this so far, but now I need to find new ways to bring in more. Reducing spending is great, but reducing spending is only one action you can take. I analyzed my status and decided that I need more money rather than just to spend less.

I was looking in the wrong place. Spending less kept me in the same situation, but never allowed me to get far enough ahead. I had to think outside the box. Did I want to continue as I was or did I want to grow and make new things possible? The thinking and planning I had done, would not get me closer to my ideals. I chose to look at adding to my income and reducing my output. Now I was spending less, but also bringing in more. My goal is to be 100% debt free in 5 years, owning my home and car outright, and working towards a retirement that would be more than comfortable. Getting debt free isn’t easy and requires significant work. Taking a 2^nd and 3^rd job sounded terrible to me, but it helped me solidify my goals and gave me something that would help me aggressively seek my goals.

The long and short of it is, you need to constantly challenge yourself in order to grow. Keeping the same challenges, thought processes, and goals will only get you to a place you have already been. Seek outside experiences, get a mentor, learn a new language, take a second or third job, develop a new skill. Do something to shake up your status quo and move forward. If you aren’t growing, you are dying.

Napoleon Hill wrote, “When people first come into contact with crime, they abhor it. If they remain in contact with crime for a time, they become accustomed to it and endure it. If they remain in contact with it long enough, they finally embrace it and become influenced by it.” This applies to many parts of our lives.

For me, growing up I saw bad neighborhoods and crime riddled streets. It wasn’t uncommon for drive-by shootings, gang violence, robberies and drug dealing in the streets. Our neighborhood was accustomed to seeing crime. You could see how people, in many cases were used to and putting up with the crime because they viewed it as the norm. Others you could see that they had embraced that lifestyle and allowed it to influence them, often becoming part of the perpetrators of the crime that at one time would have shocked them.

This quote can also be applied to the positive in our lives. It can be used to show our ability to adapt and overcome. If you start putting yourself in a position to be surrounded by positivity, you go through the phases. First, you may be annoyed by someone always greeting you and asking you about your feelings. Eventually, you accept it and tolerate it. After a while it becomes normal and you start looking forward to it. You may even start participating.

The issue becomes recognizing when you are no longer making positive progress in your life. Its tough. Change your routine up once in a while. Constantly look for new ways to improve your life, your productivity, your creativity, your performance, and your relationships. Remember that nothing in life is free. You have to work for what you want in life. At first, the work seems too hard, or painful. You end up hating it. Eventually, you are able to tolerate it and endure the work. Finally, you will find that you enjoy it, or you are at least able to look at the benefits of what you are doing. For me, working 3 jobs is stressful, but I set a goal for myself to be 100% out of debt, have my mortgage paid off, and my Car paid off within 5 years. I knew that what I was currently doing was not going to make that a reality, so I changed up my activity level. I started some side hustles that allowed me to work on my own time and earn extra money. That money now goes directly towards my bills paying off one at a time until all are paid off. The work is hard, and stressful. However, the end goal is in sight and I will be the first member of my family to be completely debt free, able to work because I want to rather than just to keep my head above water.

It is amazing what we are able to adapt to. Both the positive and the negative. Don’t settle on negativity, it will lead you down an increasingly dark path. Also, try to surround yourself with positivity. You will find that the quote from Napoleon Hill will come true for you even in those situations. Eventually you endure and accept the positivity. At the end you will be influenced by and could even become and influencer yourself.

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Your Mindset is the most powerful tool that you have, yet it’s the one that only a few people take advantage of. Most look for external tools instead of examining their mindset and wonder why they aren’t achieving the results they say they want.